cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
