I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
