Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
