Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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