he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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