i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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