gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
All the doctor said was why
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
