i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
