you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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