just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
