Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
