what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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