So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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