her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
