he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
