I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
