shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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