chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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