She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
