i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
