I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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