In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i drank out of a bidet.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
