where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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