My friends, they love my intelligence
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i love accidental penises.
birth control should be required to get into college
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
