I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
