i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
