just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
