I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
