I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
