the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
