went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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