I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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