we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
