she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
