When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
