I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
