I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
