walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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