i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
