Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
