Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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