then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
