I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
