I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
