Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
