I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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