Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
