sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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