So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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