Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
