Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
