i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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